This is not Shakespeare

Once there was a young sturdy man named Brian. He lived in Rome, and was always up to shenanigans. One full of death and dry day, Brian decided to have a new plan for life. He decided to travel to Egypt and search the valley of the kings, palaces, and marketplaces for artifacts of remarkable significance. What he forgot to tell his friends was that, in fact, he planned on stealing these historical objects; and, especially the ones from the royalty.

A month or so later, Brian finally made it to Alexandria, Egypt. Confused and very much excited over what treasure laid ahead, He bought a lazy camel from a merchant. As a joke, he named it Maximus. Maximus was his best friend in Rome, he will greet us later within the story. Brian soon darted his way through the maze of a city Alexandria, and was well on his way to Cleopatra’s royal palace.

He saw the palace up above the large blank desert landscape. It was practically the only object within view distance. Maximus his trustee steed, was released at once. You can not very much sneak up to a palace on a camel. Brian then snuck his way towards the back outer lining of the large structure. There were just too many guards in the front towards the road, he could not take a chance being so close. He found a small window a human could barely fit through, and decided to crawl through it. Needless to say, he did not do it with grace.

Once inside the palace, he hid behind this huge potted plant. The leaves were as big a full-grown jackal, it provided perfect coverage for Brian. He then could not believe his sore tired eyes. Lady Cleopatra walked into the room with this huge blank canvas being carried behind her. Servants were carrying it for her, and behind them were others with medium-sized jars and vases. She at once began to set up it seemed like an artists studio. No one in the kingdom thought of Cleopatra as an artist. So why is she taking up this new found hobby? Poor Brian was getting quite tired watching Cleopatra sketch this large figure far off in the corner of the room. He decided since he was already hidden, that he would go ahead and take a nap.

The following day, he awoke to a fully painted masterpi~. Wait, what the heck is this he thought? This was absolutely the worst piece of art Brian had ever seen. Why would lady Cleopatra paint this? It appeared to be a portrait of Antony, her lover. That is after they totally killed Caesar like a bunch a meanies. Anyway, Brian was in a lot of shock at this moment. Seriously, this was the biggest joke, and she was thinking it was amazing. The servants obviously could not tell her the truth, given that she may just have them killed. Brian finally decided to snatch up the painting, and head on out to Rome with it. Luckily in stories, this trip only took a couple hours.

Once back in Rome, Brian hid the painting in his underground hut outside of the city. The following day, news had been broken of a royal art theft. The gossips were rambling rapidly of the terrible punishment that was to be given to the art thief. Antony and Cleopatra apparently got together and announced their allegiance; and, lady Cleopatra made sure to inform everyone of the art theft there as well. Both of them mentioned that if the artwork was rightfully returned , then no harm would come of it. However though, I think Brian knew that this was a big lie. At this point he was getting quite scared, and he decided to tell his best friend Maximus of his treacherous, yet hilarious behavior.

Maximus arrived at Brian’s hut, quite quickly, as he feared for the safety of his friend. Still though, he was still not sure what Brian had done. Brian attempted to explain to Max that he was in fact the art thief. For some reason however, he just could not believe nor accept that fact. With much remorse, poor Brian had to show him the hilarious painting. Maximus fell to the ground right on the spot. Shockingly enough, he was not getting back up. Brian nudged his best friend’s body, yet he was not moving. Well Max’s body was a bit jiggly but that is not the point. He then broke down and began sobbing on top of Maximus’s body. He thought that this painting is the devil incarnate! How dare such a person be painted so horribly that it kill his friend! The people of the city must know of this devil, and of the woman who painted such a fiend.

Brian waited for nightfall to shroud the land, and headed out to the middle of the city of Rome. He had the painting with him, which was covered in a rich red tapestry. He then stood patiently until daybreak, he did not even care about sleep at this point. Sleep was irrelevant to the task at hand. Eventually the guards walked upon Brian with mild curiosity. He told them that he was an enchanter, and he indeed carried the painting with him. The guards were tempted to trample his face then and there. However, he mentioned he was an enchanter, and they would rather not risk their own lives. Did I mention that Brian was a brilliant deceiver? He then merely told the guards to inform everyone of his existence, tell everyone to circle around the square for the unveiling of the painting, and request the audience of Antony and Cleopatra for this wonderful spectacle.

The time was that of mid-day, and finally everyone had gathered ‘round to view this drama unfold. Lady Cleopatra demanded to know why this lowly peasant stole her painting. Brian told the crowd he wanted riches at first, but once he saw the painting he wished to mock the royal kingdom, and their amazing pharaoh Cleopatra. She was giving him the death glare at this point, however she was still in high confidence of her painting. Antony secretly asked her what she had painted. She told him that it was a portrait of himself, and he was immediately curious. Antony praised Brian for getting the city together for this special moment, and asked if he would please unveil the painting for everyone to see. Brian nodded his head in acceptance of his request. Brian then took out a dagger and stabbed himself in the heart; and, as he fell he dragged the shroud covering the painting down over him.

The people of Rome were in utter shock at the actions of the late Brian. They then looked towards the painting and were quite confused. Antony was in a state of disbelief and stared deeply into the painting of himself. Then within seconds, everyone started dropping like flies. Bodies began to pile up down below in the town square. Antony then stared deeply into Cleopatra’s eyes and died on the spot. She had killed everyone. She thought how could she have been capable of this? With much guilt, and remorse for killing her husband she grabbed a snake from her satchel and induced it to bite her. Allowing her to have a slow death full of suffering unlike that of her victims.